I confess,
Sometimes it feels like I get a little lost in all that happens. I'm left alone when I want to be talked to. I say "I'm OK", but mean "Something's wrong, but I don't know how to explain it". Some days I just wish to speak and be understood, to be taken plainly. I'm in the cracks, stuck, and I'm not sure I'll get out. When I think about it, I guess the feeling I have comes from being marginalized. I've been "Nothing Buttered"* into an identity separate from how I see myself, and what I've been told I am by God.
In this post I'm stretching to describe the strange Malaise I feel toward existing in the here and now and the Malice expressed toward me by this world. These M&Ms are poison pills that taint my effectiveness at holiness in ways both subtle and obvious. It's hard to try when you show people just a little of who you are and they scoff and deride you. It should be expected that the world would hate me (hate us), but when it happens, it happens in so many strange little ways. I feel like I could fight the world if the rules were the same for both groups, but ultimately they're not.
Consider this: Culturally, Christians are called to bear our Cross with Jesus. I understand in my mind what this means. I must lose constantly. I'm a condemned man. I must be reviled. The State is against me. That's not optional. ultimately all human government is against God because all government seeks to perpetuate itself over and against the governed. In America we attempt to insulate ourselves from this fact through democracy, law, and something called "Checks and Balances" but ultimately our government seeks the same domination of the governed either through regulation, taxation, or compartmentalization. Regulation and taxation are obvious, because Christian or not, we all feel some burden from regulation and taxation. Compartmentalization is something different. I believe Government (big G intentional) attempts to shuffle people into a category that they can label and then they can sell their customized reality of "the best life". Society and Government needs us in a box to produce for them, make them tax dollars! They do their best to try and convince us to be "quiet and content" while making sure we are their definition of quiet and content.That's the rules that change. This world will try to tell us what it means to "...lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. " (1 Timothy 2:2, ESV) but we can't let them. We have to go to the Bible and get the Word on Godliness, peace, quietness, dignity. Get out of THEIR box!
I'm trying to breakout of my box all the time. Today it's tiresome. It's always tiresome, mainly because I desperately want to take the easy way out. I want to flow on the path of water. Sometimes that is a feature, today it's a flaw. There's no quick "Grace!" and it's over. Holiness is a long slog toward something we can't fully comprehend, and yet is always happening. There's no room on the cross you're carrying for all the things we do and partake of to make this life easier. All creation groans after what we perceive, that this world is passing. It will burn. It must burn. It isn't holy, loving, selfless, or warm. "Heat death" is it's ultimate end, a state of changelessness where even the fabric of the universe melts away, becoming nothing, going back to nothing, "ashes to ashes, earth to earth, dust to dust". Good riddance. Better to lose now, while we can still live forever. Better to embrace the all present presence of God, His lamb making us righteous.
To that end, I've got something in the works, Something Big. Something that I hope will be helpful and worth reading about what God calls "Salvation." I've been working on it for a while, and I'm close to a release. I've written the first post, run it by others, and the words are ready. I need to format it in Blogger, link it up to a few websites, and I need to finish one more post's worth of content. Then I'll begin releasing it weekly, Here, or on my regular blog, skattagun.blogspot.com. Maybe i'll do both...
....Keep a Weather Eye....
